Ages three to five
- Preschoolers believe inanimate objects can move and people are always alive. They worry about the comfort of a dead person.
- Magical thinking gives children a sense of power. They believe they can make someone live or die by wishing it so.
- Children at this age think death is temporary and reversible. They may feel that their thought or action caused the death. They may be anxious that others might leave them.
Ages six to eight
- Children this age have fears about the fate of the corpse.
- Children are fascinated by what happens to corpses and may be afraid of being trapped in a coffin.
Ages nine to 12
- Children let go of magical thinking. They understand death is normal and irreversible.
- Children understand the causes of death and are more likely concerned about the physical consequences — e.g., what happens to the body.
- They may think death won’t happen until they are very old.
Adolescence
- They understand that death is final and irreversible and will happen to everyone.
- They are capable of abstract reasoning and are concerned about theological beliefs of life after death.
- Adolescents live for the moment and may deny the possibility that death can happen to them. They may take risks and deny personal danger.
- They may focus on the glory of death and idolize a peer who dies.
STAGES OF GRIEF
There are 10 stages of grief that people usually go through after a loss — shock; expression of emotion; depression and loneliness; physical symptoms of distress; panic; guilt; anger and resentment; resistance; hope; and affirmation of reality. To progress through the stages, a person has to work through these tasks:
- Accept the reality of the loss.
- Experience the pain of grief.
- Adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing.
- Withdraw emotional energy and reinvest in new relationships.
HOW SCHOOLS CAN HELP STUDENTS DEAL WITH DEATH
- Give students honest, clear, age-appropriate information about death.
- Encourage children to express their feelings and show empathy.
- Help students who may be anxious about how to act and what to say to a student who suffered a loss. Explain that it is appropriate to express sorrow for the loss.
- Provide comfort and reassure children.
- Permit children to participate in memorials, funerals and other ceremonies. Prepare them by explaining what might happen.
- Maintain consistency and predictability of the school routine.
- Communicate with parents about children’s behavior and emotions related to grief.
- Encourage projects such as writings, drawings and scrapbooks.
- Help children create and send sympathy cards.
- Provide access to individual and group counseling.